I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
