she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
