If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
