and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
