dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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