Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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