I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
