Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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