Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
