Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
