thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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