we're blogging at a bar
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
