Your face is a jimmy john
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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