I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
