I accidentally had phone sex last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
