I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
