I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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