roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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