why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
