I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
