I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
