dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
