If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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