Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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