I'm jealous of your bromance
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
