In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she pinky promised me she was 18
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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