I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
