Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
