Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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