Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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