dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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