rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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