This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
