did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
