Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
