I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
