You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
