I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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