you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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