if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
