I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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