After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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