I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
