just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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