I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
