You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
