hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
