It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
