just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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