There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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