Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
