Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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