I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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