I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
