Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
