Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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