I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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