Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
