Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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