After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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