I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I cannot find my penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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