A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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