Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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