I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
