Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
