I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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