I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
