Moan for me like Helen Keller
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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