I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
