god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
