At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
