I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
