Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
