3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
