hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
