you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize