I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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