Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
