She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
