I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
