I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
