im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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